Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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