Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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