I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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