she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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