Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
