If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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