I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
