its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
