I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate all girls vehemently.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
