Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and she was petting her beer can
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize