i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
