All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
