you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
