My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
