You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
