After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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