if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
