A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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