On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
