so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
