you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
