Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
