i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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