We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize