DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize