So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
