i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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