I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
