My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
