nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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