She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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