We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
NoShamevember. You game?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
