It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
