I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
