I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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