I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
