hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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