Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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