U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize