Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
