she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
