giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
