I am puke
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
