Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
