worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
