end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
