hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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