hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
