Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
