he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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