so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
