Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
