It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
