I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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