I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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