and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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