bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
