homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I love you. Go after that dick
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
