Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize