This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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