everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
