just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You were trust falling into bushes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
