dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
