don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
