Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
