yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize