Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He kissed a someone with a penis
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
