I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
