You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize