My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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