is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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