You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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