see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
