So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and i looked up. we had an audience...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
