Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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