The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
