did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just invented taco cereal.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize