How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
