I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
