Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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