I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize