She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
