she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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