i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
