just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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