I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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