wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
