Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
