Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize