what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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