ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
