We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
