Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
