I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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