Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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