If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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