I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
