dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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