I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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