I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
