paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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