Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
