Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
