You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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