Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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