I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
