I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
