wrigley field is MILF paradise
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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