once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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